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Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg

·1 min
  • 3 types of conversations:
    1. Practical (what is this really about?)
    2. Emotional (how do we feel?)
    3. Social (who are we?)
  • We need to match the conversation type to whoever we are talking to, or else there will be clashes.
  • Two types of logic in a conversation:
    1. Cost/benefit logic (analytical)
    2. Similarity logic (emotional)
  • Try to find out what kind of logic the other person finds appealing.
    • Are they presenting facts? If so, they are using analytical logic.
    • Are they presenting feelings? If so, they are using emotional logic.
  • “How do we feel” conversations are powerful in getting others to open up.
    • Ask lots of questions, listen to their struggles, and be vulnerable.
  • Show a desire to be on the same wavelength as someone else.
    • Try to match their mood and energy.
  • The loop:
    1. Ask questions.
    2. Repeat what you heard.
    3. Ask if you got it right.
  • In arguments, we often want to maintain control.
    • In healthy relationships, people try to control their emotions, the environment, and the boundaries of the conversation.
  • In “who are we” conversations, try to bring out the person’s distinct identity.
  • Difficult conversations often threaten our sense of self.
    • Try to embrace this, know it is going to be tough, and accept it.
  • Bringing up differences allows us to show our true selves.
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